I have recently been reading, "Foxes Book Of Martyrs", and it really makes you amazed at how these people died for the sake of the Gospel and sometimes watched their own young children die all the while with a smile on their face. I also began to think and wonder if we have such a fervour for Jesus that we could die without fear. They had a true commitment to Jesus, they were not fair weather friends. I am not only questioning you but myself also. They faced things that we could not even imagine and at the same time attempts made to force them to worship false god's and renounce Jesus Christ. With the advantages we have today and the freedom we have I find it difficult to deal with the ingnorance(I do not say that with meaness) and lack of proof of the desire to serve Jesus as the Bible indicates. I get frustrated when told I just don't think like you. I want you to know I don't think, I believe. I want a relationship with God that is worth dying for, I want to be able to live my life so completely in the will of God that every word that comes out of my mouth is what he wants to be said, every step I take to be the step he wants me to take, every thought, every detail, to be God's idea. I have to admit that is not always the case, I am human in nature and have failed God many times but he is always faithful to pull me out and give me a renewing of my mind, he cleanses me, he purifies me again and again. He fills my cup to overflowing he never lets me down. What I am saying is that each new day gives me a new set of circumstances that must be given to God, because somewhere in the darkness of night satan puts his mind to work and says what can I put in her pathway today. The Bible says, He goes to and fro seeking whom he may devour, and devour you he will if you let your gaurd down, if you put your armor off just for a minute. I have had days when it is a constant battle of the mind to just believe and hold onto what God has promised, because Satan is sitting right on my shoulder trying to filibuster his way into my thoughts. I pray and pray over and over again the name of Jesus and letting him know that I believe he is able to help me. Somedays the darkness is so thick but yet the light of God's love shines through. He is a faithful and constant friend. He will never leave or forsake his own. I want you to know that I have determined in my heart that know matter what, I will make it to heaven. A little phrase I heard and this is what I want Satan to think of me each new day, "Oh no, she's awake". If ever I am told either renounce Jesus or die I want to happily choose the latter with Satan realizing he has lost the battle. If you have the breath of life in you its not too late to make a life changing decision and commit you life to God. He will change you inside and out and make you a new creature. He wants you for his pwn and will reserve a crown of life when you make it to that Mansion in the sky. Give him your whole heart, today.