Friday, November 2, 2007

I am missing my dad so much, I sometimes have to try to stop thinking about it because I will cry. I will sitting at a traffic light beside a cemetary and a funeral procession was entering I almost wanted to follow them in and share there grief, tears started to fall but I had to try to stop them because my kids will worry if I cry to much. But I would like to share with some of the reasons why I miss my dad so much; I can't talk to him anymore, I can't share things about the kids with him, I can't see him anymore, I can't ask him to pray for me(I know others are), when the cars need work done I can't call for advice, my children will grow up without a grandpa(my husbands dad is dead also), I will never get to see him pull a full pull with his farmall tractors, I can't get a hug from him, I will not be able to play Mexican Train with him, there are so many other things I miss about my dad but that is all my mind can handle right now. I don't think of these things in a selfish way but they are things I have to face and are very real to me. I just thought if I shared them maybe it would help me in someway. I also think of things like, what is he doing in heaven, if I could just get a glimpse of the joy he is experiencing it would be wonderful. I am trusting in God to help me and I pray for strength. I think this is one of those times that God is carrying me because I don't even know how I make it through the day because my heart is heavy, I know my mom is feeling this and so much more because she has lost her companion, she comes home to an empty house and only a cat to meow her hunger. I must go back to work tomorrow, please pray for me. Being a hospice nurse makes it difficult, I am afraid that I will dissolve in tears in my attempts to comfort families, seeing the pain on their faces and watching them as they prepare to lose the one they love. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

I am really not as depressed as I sound but these are things I feel I need to share because I know it helps in healing the hurt to get it out. Love and prayers to all of you.


Granny said...

Bev, I profoundly miss my dear husband and your father. We must keep each other encouraged. We must let the tears come and heal our grief. Jesus knows what we are experiencing. Does Jesus care? O' Yes He cares. I love you dearly, my precious daughter.